[It is a testament of Myr's enduring--some might say blind--affection for those he thinks of as his own, that what he'd witnessed in others' memories had not turned him aside from them.
Given him pause, maybe; given him reason to reflect on how he related to the friends he's made here in Geardagas, and the Maker's (presumed) reasons for letting him be pulled through a mirror.
But it had not driven him away to have a real, visceral example of where Viren's pragmatism could--had--led him. Nor to know how his friend craved understanding for what those acts, if not respect and approval. The former's at least something Myr's used to extending--so used, in fact, that he can't at first place why his statement should provoke puzzlement through their fledgling Bond.
His eyebrows knit together with the force of displaced emotion; he takes a sip of his tea to buy space to sort it out as Viren answers his question.]
Mmm. [He sets his cup down once more, ears flicking. Without something to hold on to, he seems briefly at a loss of what to do with his own hands before settling on folding them before him. hold your bonded's hand shivana you coward] That's so; but death's likewise inevitable and we don't expect folk not to grieve even a little bit.
[Though there were always reasons to keep stoic about a loss, even so--] But I am glad to hear you well.
What's got you so puzzled, though? [Forgive him, Viren; his other Bonds have trained him to be Like This.]
[ ah - that is horrifying. viren feels a small jolt of unease at the forwardness of the question, particularly with how quickly he'd forgotten that myrobalan should be privy to those emotions. caught as he is, his response isn't as nearly as eloquent as he'd prefer (though, anything more might be transparent as a lie), ]
I just.. don't understand, I suppose.
[ beyond the sheer lack of practicality (but thankfully, they had both done well in long ago pointing out why this temporary bond should be of benefit) he otherwise associates with monster-monster bonds - well. ]
Losing your companionship with showing you that memory - I risked doing so, and almost thought I had.
[ he allows his eyes to close, and with an exhale, ]
I know. Perhaps I'll get it, in time. [ especially, what with these potions - ]
[The mention of that memory sends a shiver down Myr's spine and a ripple of anxious fear through the Bond--not for what had been revealed in Viren's memory, but for the awful way the night had ended. Two months hasn't been nearly enough time to forget it.
But what he cannot forget, he can ignore with a lifetime's habit of repression; he takes a steadying breath and tucks the fear safely away. There's something far more worthy--and interesting--to focus on at-hand than his own shortcomings.
Though finding words to explain himself--explain how his distress at learning more of Viren's past had, strangely, been swallowed up by worse horrors and diminished thereby... --No. No, he can't go into that, nor is it even the most important of reasons he'd stuck by the Dragon, even though it's all wound around the things that eat at him the most. Another breath, and he unclasps his hands, thinking to reach for his tea before following some impulse to offer an upturned palm to Viren instead.
Courage, Shivana. Stop fidgeting and say it.]
And I'll not lie and say I wasn't worried that I'd lost you, or-- [A moment's hesitation in the Bond, a hedging, as Myr steels himself.] The vision of you I'd had in mind. It did hurt, to see that--to understand what you'd taken upon yourself.
[Breath.] What you'd do, for king and people.
[That loyalty is something the Faun admires and respects; so much would be obvious from the look on his face, let alone the Bond.] But I--you--
[Hff.] --We don't agree on everything. Maybe not many things, some of them very important. But I care for you no less, for all that. I want the best for you.
[Even if, Myr suspects, that means dragging Viren out of some strongly held positions.
...but he's not going to ruin an awkwardly touching moment by saying that.]
[ there is some warmth and further relief to be had, following the faun's words. despite himself, he knows that he craves that caring — and then he's resolved himself that he would either have to convince myr of his correctness, or discard that as inconsequential. it's the final sentence that ties things together; his reaction to it elicits something cold and stony rippling through the bond, like a rock tossed into placid waters. ]
What's best for me wouldn't be the aim.
[ myr, more than likely, knows that viren believes this.
but his tone isn't as cold as one might anticipate, even if it does come with all the forcefulness he would use when trying to be convincing. harrow could be foolishly hardheaded. myr is stubborn (but so ridiculously soft, too, like harrow), he thinks. ]
[ that — would be a challenge, he would agree; trying, in more ways than one, and it's only a temporary bond. he can appreciate that. he leans back in his seat, suppressing another sigh, and pulling his cup back along with him as he does so. he taps his claws against its rim. ]
So, ah, our -- sentimentality, aside [ he'd struggled with the word there, like he is a tiny bit embarrassed to continue to verbally admit to holding emotions for a person (elf). ], I would think this to be a productive month.
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Given him pause, maybe; given him reason to reflect on how he related to the friends he's made here in Geardagas, and the Maker's (presumed) reasons for letting him be pulled through a mirror.
But it had not driven him away to have a real, visceral example of where Viren's pragmatism could--had--led him. Nor to know how his friend craved understanding for what those acts, if not respect and approval. The former's at least something Myr's used to extending--so used, in fact, that he can't at first place why his statement should provoke puzzlement through their fledgling Bond.
His eyebrows knit together with the force of displaced emotion; he takes a sip of his tea to buy space to sort it out as Viren answers his question.]
Mmm. [He sets his cup down once more, ears flicking. Without something to hold on to, he seems briefly at a loss of what to do with his own hands before settling on folding them before him.
hold your bonded's hand shivana you coward] That's so; but death's likewise inevitable and we don't expect folk not to grieve even a little bit.[Though there were always reasons to keep stoic about a loss, even so--] But I am glad to hear you well.
What's got you so puzzled, though? [Forgive him, Viren; his other Bonds have trained him to be Like This.]
no subject
I just.. don't understand, I suppose.
[ beyond the sheer lack of practicality (but thankfully, they had both done well in long ago pointing out why this temporary bond should be of benefit) he otherwise associates with monster-monster bonds - well. ]
Losing your companionship with showing you that memory - I risked doing so, and almost thought I had.
[ he allows his eyes to close, and with an exhale, ]
I know. Perhaps I'll get it, in time. [ especially, what with these potions - ]
no subject
But what he cannot forget, he can ignore with a lifetime's habit of repression; he takes a steadying breath and tucks the fear safely away. There's something far more worthy--and interesting--to focus on at-hand than his own shortcomings.
Though finding words to explain himself--explain how his distress at learning more of Viren's past had, strangely, been swallowed up by worse horrors and diminished thereby... --No. No, he can't go into that, nor is it even the most important of reasons he'd stuck by the Dragon, even though it's all wound around the things that eat at him the most. Another breath, and he unclasps his hands, thinking to reach for his tea before following some impulse to offer an upturned palm to Viren instead.
Courage, Shivana. Stop fidgeting and say it.]
And I'll not lie and say I wasn't worried that I'd lost you, or-- [A moment's hesitation in the Bond, a hedging, as Myr steels himself.] The vision of you I'd had in mind. It did hurt, to see that--to understand what you'd taken upon yourself.
[Breath.] What you'd do, for king and people.
[That loyalty is something the Faun admires and respects; so much would be obvious from the look on his face, let alone the Bond.] But I--you--
[Hff.] --We don't agree on everything. Maybe not many things, some of them very important. But I care for you no less, for all that. I want the best for you.
[Even if, Myr suspects, that means dragging Viren out of some strongly held positions.
...but he's not going to ruin an awkwardly touching moment by saying that.]
no subject
What's best for me wouldn't be the aim.
[ myr, more than likely, knows that viren believes this.
but his tone isn't as cold as one might anticipate, even if it does come with all the forcefulness he would use when trying to be convincing. harrow could be foolishly hardheaded. myr is stubborn (but so ridiculously soft, too, like harrow), he thinks. ]
[ that — would be a challenge, he would agree; trying, in more ways than one, and it's only a temporary bond. he can appreciate that. he leans back in his seat, suppressing another sigh, and pulling his cup back along with him as he does so. he taps his claws against its rim. ]
So, ah, our -- sentimentality, aside [ he'd struggled with the word there, like he is a tiny bit embarrassed to continue to verbally admit to holding emotions for a person (elf). ], I would think this to be a productive month.