Since January. [ he begins, tone even. ] Do you remember, that night with you and Everett, at the Sly Seadog? I'd mentioned that my son had arrived.
[ so, shortly before. he makes a decision, then, and myr can likely pick up on the tread of viren's boots as he draws closer. he stops on the other side of a counter -- close enough to appraise myr (and note the brief turn about for more teacups, although there are none), but he doesn't circle about to engage further. ]
[ his voice hardens, slightly, firm in a way that he's also convinced himself, ]
That's right. There's nothing you can do, I can do — anyone can do. [ his eyes flash. ] There is nothing changing anything that happens, so I didn't see a purpose in lingering on it.
[He sets his hands on the counter to still them, lifting his chin defiantly even if he can't track Viren with his gaze.]
I can regret the awful piteous waste of someone I love.
And wonder if we ought to concern ourselves with going home at all, if it isn't us that go home. Or anywhere, if we're pulled back through our mirrors.
[A lot more, and a lot darker, than he'd meant to say all at once but he'd had a lot of occasion to brood, of late.
He lets his breath out in a sigh, ears lowering.]
Are you trying to convince me, or him, or yourself of that?
[ there will always be something about this sort of defiance that sets viren's blood afire, and it's no less angering when it's demonstrated from myr. maybe his thoughts are especially darkened by an awful piteous waste of someone i love. because it's true, his death feels like nothing but a tremendous waste, and that he's loved. it hurts to know. ]
You! [ just about snarled. ] You both.
[ viren ends up mirroring the gesture in a less composed manner, with a clawed hand slamming against the counter. he should be grateful that they're the only two in the area this late. ]
[ then abruptly, he grimaces; he slides his hand back toward him, and there's the beat of quiet from him, and he exhales. ]
If it's of consolation, [ his tone is contrarily acerbic. in a way, he feels as if he's living on borrowed time. it'd been such a relief, to discover this at the time, like a weight lifted from his chest: ] since learning our time here affects nothing — I agree, why put the energy into it?
But we certainly cannot stay here forever.
[ yet -- should he learn any of his cherished ones were on 'borrowed time'? he wouldn't be able to rest until he'd found a solution otherwise. ]
He'd expected his words to provoke; he's braced for the outburst when it comes. Only the slightest shiver of his ears gives away his inclination to startle when Viren brings his hand down on the counter.
You both. No surprise Soren had been working at his father, too. Nor, tragically, that Viren feels hedged about by those who care for him...]
It affects nothing for who we were back home, [he replies, words carefully measured,] but it means all the world to who we are here.
And I wonder if we can't stay here, if we were minded to. If we knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, we'd cease to exist on leaving.
[They are not Bonded now so Viren cannot know the thrill of awful terror that sends through Myr, to think he is so far from the Maker that he could never return to His arms. He doesn't believe it, doesn't want to believe it, but it is the most horrible of potential possibilities and therefore must be considered all the same.]
[ viren sighs, hard. though he doesn't know what myr feels exactly in this moment, he thinks--thinks--he can try to guess at what he might be considering. ... at least, viren projects so; it's how he would apply himself to this issue if were minded to do so. by trying to solve it. ]
Just "wonder"?
[ with a note of curiosity; he doesn't necessarily hope for a certain answer, either way. ]
Or is that something that you would undertake to make a reality, Myr?
If I knew it were the right thing to do. [The words are carefully measured.]
We have compelling evidence that whoever we are here, whatever memories we've got, [whatever growth they've undergone, whatever changes they've made,] doesn't return home when a Mirrorbound leaves. But we might be misreading that evidence; there might be other explanations for it that hang together as well as... As well as crossing back through our mirrors being a kind of annihilation.
[Saying it, oddly, makes it less certain and also less fearful. (He wonders if he really is going mad, the longer he's here.)]
I don't know. But I think I need to know what it is that happens to us--I think we all need to know.
We're fumbling around as much as the Coven is when it comes to our fates and that isn't right.
[ viren finds it difficult to pinpoint how he feels about this answer. he'd even grown to like the answer that he'd known, grown comfortable with it. something hideously apathetic pulls at him: what's the purpose? and another part, being the curious, overzealous mage that also wishes to know the truth, to see what might come of it. ]
[ a very caustic smile curls around viren's fangs. ]
Need to know? That is a strong way to put it.
[ but it's not necessarily a tone that demeans this idea. he's almost endeared by the strength of the statement. ]
Perhaps, somehow, [ he begins to propose, likewise measured, ] we come to know. Is countering "annihilation" -- the right thing to do, for you?
[Myr's tone is cool, though from the flicking of his ears neither his mood nor his manner are. This matters to him, deeply, in that way so many things get inside the soft heart of his and matter.
He doesn't have to think about Viren's question, but he does--or at least, he does pause decorously before answering, as if he were considering it.]
Yes. I believe, [dangerous word, with Myr,] I've been sent here for a reason. I mean to see it fulfilled. Knowing some--caprice of magic could erase me utterly before I've done all I'm here to do would be tantamount to suicide.
[His expression wavers a moment, the veneer of rational consideration wavering.] I'd not try to force anyone else's choice on the matter, but I also--would feel I'd failed you, and Everett, and Linden--if I couldn't spare you that fate as well.
[ there's a short huff from viren; though it is something akin to it, it'd be generous to call it a laugh. and people accuse him of sounding extreme, he thinks, bitterly-- ]
But I don't think that's necessarily wrong. Some people could consider -- erasing memories, completely returning as we once were -- to be the death of those of us here, regardless.
What would be your purpose, here? Simply to give us the option of sparing us that fate?
[His tone's a little edged, like the question annoys him, but one corner of his mouth has pulled up a little anyway in something like a smile. At Viren, at his own conceits, it's hard even for him to tell given the state he's been in lately.
Is it really that wrong to want to bundle everyone precious to him away from where the world could hurt them?]
I don't know. It may be that. It may be something I've already done, [bolstering Everett's confidence when it wavered, teaching L step-by-aching-step how to join the wider world, playing his tiny part in the lives of Dorchacht's refugees,] or something I've yet to do. Certainly the dreams seem to indicate we're here to put Talam back as it was, before the Cwyld, but--
[The words that bubble up to his lips are too despairing, too self-defeating to share: How can I help with that, crippled as I am?
They aren't true, either, which more than anything is what has him biting them back and fishing for others to put in their place.
He doesn't find them in any acceptable kind of time and so rolls a shoulder and breathes out heavily.] Maybe it is to ask the questions that lead to us having more choice in our exile. Sparing us annihilation if we don't wish it.
[ myr may not be able to see, but viren's removed his hands from the counter, tucking them neatly at the small of his back. he feels better about the conversation now, rightfully or not, like it's more within his control-- ]
[ behind him, his tail gives a languid flick. ]
And, [ he begins with a pause and a tilt of his head, ] whatever it is you come to think to be your purpose, I wish you all the best in your pursuit of it.
[ a very harmless platitude, carefully worded as it is and thus sincere. ]
[That was carefully worded. While it gets a smile out of Myr to feel the tension in their conversation drain away, the absence of that tension leaves him feeling like something--many things--haven't been answered. Like something's been left unexplored, deliberately avoided.
He pushes back from the counter himself, feeling his way around to find the clean saucers that go with the teacups.]
[ repeated, thoughtfully. ... he's dragged out on a lot of shenanigans.
viren's gaze flicks downward, almost distractedly, as myr begins to touch along for the saucers. he reaches to give them a slight nudge in the elf's direction. but judging by the silence that follows, it might be discernible that viren's taking that inquiry -- as he is prone to do -- a bit too seriously. ]
If it's something I can agree with, [ he resumes his straight-backed posture. ] then no need. If you're truly intent on something, then I'd prefer to be there with you, every moment of the way.
[ spoken like this should be evident -- it's, you know, those pesky means that may cause some disagreement. ]
[A debatable advantage of keeping company with Fauns--being dragged out on shenanigans.
Myr's ears flick at the slight sound the saucers make as they're nudged, reaching after them with a little murmur of thanks. Viren's silence isn't unexpected; it's--truth be told--endearing, given how seriously Myr himself takes much in his life.
He finds his space for the saucers with careful hands, centering the stack before parceling it out with patient attention. It's a mindless task, one easy to interrupt when Viren speaks up again, saying something the Faun...had not quite realized he'd hoped to hear so much.]
With the usual caveats on my methods? [he replies, with a wide smile. And then, more suited to that expression:] Will you be my Bondmate, then?
[ despite them having discussed this before -- or at least touched upon it, and having formed a temporary bond in contemplation of something (it had been practical, admittedly)-- it still catches viren off-guard to hear. he'd been in the midst turning his attention elsewhere to, likewise, some mindless task, when the question's posed. he stops in that movement, and there's a little, unintentional oh that escapes him. ]
[ it's something he's debated endlessly, it feels like: the merits (usefulness, inferiority) of monster-monster bonds. despite this, with an apprehensive twinge of his stomach, he knows his answer. so myr receives a studious look, as if viren is trying to aptly gauge the seriousness of the proposal. after a moment, ]
I... Yes. [ but because that initial response sounds uncertain, he amends: ] That would be fine with me, Myr.
Not the most romantic response--but then it isn't for romance that they're friends. What bound them together was a different set of intangibles, and for that Myr is dearly grateful.
Even if he is a whole moment wistful for something a little more dramatic as acknowledgements go. But an outright acceptance of something permanent--that's a treasure all by itself, no gilding needed.]
Good; I'd mislike having to drag you to the Coven under duress, [he teases, ears lifted high.] Suppose we ought to tell Everett we're getting properly tangled up, too.
[Then, more quietly, and with just a touch of shyness:] When would you like to do it?
[ viren is certainly, intentionally, underselling his response. but that is one aspect of bonds that has him grateful for (and nervously anticipating, too), when the full extent of Feelings may be revealed. his tail flicks again, less languid this time, more animated, with his expression becoming softer. ]
Whether we tell him or not, if we feel we must, I will leave that to you. [ --that, and he thinks everett, mayhaps, could have predicted this. ] No doubt he will find out eventually, regardless.
[ viren returns to draw closer to myr this time, circling about the edge of the counter to face him properly. though he pauses there -- he could reach out to touch, though he resists any inclination for the moment ]
In three days. [ he taps a claw against the back of a hand. ] Around this time after closing. Would that work for you?
No doubt, [Myr agrees, still smiling.] I do wonder what that will be like--the three of us Bonded permanently in a, [he sketches a circle in the air with a finger, illustratively,] a ring.
I might tell him. We might also invite him to come, but then we'd not hear the end of it. [Because he had, indeed, predicted it... Though Myr had helped him along, certainly, to that conclusion in one memorable moment.]
It would work very well for me. I'll have the evening free. [Both to be Bonded, and for whatever they might wish to do after, is the implication.]
... I can't say I've often looked into others' Bonding affairs [ beyond like. thinking people are stupid ], but nor can I say I've yet to hear of a thing between Monsters.
[ that-- sort of does draw him back from the immediate present. he will be bonded to two fauns. two fauns. ... he very nearly lets escape an 'uh' right then and there, if somewhat impressed with how neatly this would segue into myr's next statement, any implications--. ]
[ ... or how he perceives any implications, what with his line of thinking. that would be his own fault. he clears his throat. ]
And I'd keep my own free. [ his mouth twitches into a fleeting smile, soon vanished. ] —Would you like to exchange gifts as well?
[To hear Viren acknowledge they'll be spending the evening together ties a knot of pleasant anticipation in Myr's stomach. Three days suddenly seems far too long a wait--
But, well. Fauns. Good luck being Bonded to the pair of them, Viren.
(Though there's no telling that they'd even end their evening with a tumble into bed, given every other way they've taken time and caution in building their friend. The idea of stretching things out further still has its own appeal...)
Seeming of its own accord, his tail wags with utter contentment.]
When you're already giving me the best gift I could ask of you? [Yes, you, yourself, Viren. Scratch what anyone said about this not being a romance, does Myr operate in anything other than that mode.] I'd not be near so bold to ask for more than that--though the gifts are a tradition I'd as soon maintain.
[ myr's a very warm person; he recognizes this, has often been on the receiving end of such warmth. yet hearing that spoken so openly reverberates to his core, has his eyes widening and heat pleasantly blossoming within his chest. how different circumstances are, here, when miserably contrasted with his bitter, broken relationships of home. ]
[ he doesn't think of that comparison. nor does he have some snappy response, beyond a contemplative and smoky exhale. his tail twitches, also - not quite a wag, but still a little quiver of gladness. ]
Tradition also demands you dress your best. [ from what he's seen through multiple bonds by this point. he's sure myr knows of this already. he turns away just slightly, looking to occupy himself again with some task. ] Three days time. We will meet each other then.
[The more Myr has gotten to know of Viren, the more it's become a particular joy to offer that warmth. Even (especially) if the responses to it aren't always what he'd expect, he likes offering that to someone who didn't himself have reason to expect kindness from most people.]
I'll be there with bells on. [Literally, given his penchant for jingling antler ornaments.
He's finished with the saucers. Time to match his sudden surge of energy against--cleaning the whole back room, or replacing all the flower arrangements a day early. Something to eat up the time--] In three days.
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[ so, shortly before. he makes a decision, then, and myr can likely pick up on the tread of viren's boots as he draws closer. he stops on the other side of a counter -- close enough to appraise myr (and note the brief turn about for more teacups, although there are none), but he doesn't circle about to engage further. ]
[ his voice hardens, slightly, firm in a way that he's also convinced himself, ]
That's right. There's nothing you can do, I can do — anyone can do. [ his eyes flash. ] There is nothing changing anything that happens, so I didn't see a purpose in lingering on it.
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[He sets his hands on the counter to still them, lifting his chin defiantly even if he can't track Viren with his gaze.]
I can regret the awful piteous waste of someone I love.
And wonder if we ought to concern ourselves with going home at all, if it isn't us that go home. Or anywhere, if we're pulled back through our mirrors.
[A lot more, and a lot darker, than he'd meant to say all at once but he'd had a lot of occasion to brood, of late.
He lets his breath out in a sigh, ears lowering.]
Are you trying to convince me, or him, or yourself of that?
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You! [ just about snarled. ] You both.
[ viren ends up mirroring the gesture in a less composed manner, with a clawed hand slamming against the counter. he should be grateful that they're the only two in the area this late. ]
[ then abruptly, he grimaces; he slides his hand back toward him, and there's the beat of quiet from him, and he exhales. ]
If it's of consolation, [ his tone is contrarily acerbic. in a way, he feels as if he's living on borrowed time. it'd been such a relief, to discover this at the time, like a weight lifted from his chest: ] since learning our time here affects nothing — I agree, why put the energy into it?
But we certainly cannot stay here forever.
[ yet -- should he learn any of his cherished ones were on 'borrowed time'? he wouldn't be able to rest until he'd found a solution otherwise. ]
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He'd expected his words to provoke; he's braced for the outburst when it comes. Only the slightest shiver of his ears gives away his inclination to startle when Viren brings his hand down on the counter.
You both. No surprise Soren had been working at his father, too. Nor, tragically, that Viren feels hedged about by those who care for him...]
It affects nothing for who we were back home, [he replies, words carefully measured,] but it means all the world to who we are here.
And I wonder if we can't stay here, if we were minded to. If we knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, we'd cease to exist on leaving.
[They are not Bonded now so Viren cannot know the thrill of awful terror that sends through Myr, to think he is so far from the Maker that he could never return to His arms. He doesn't believe it, doesn't want to believe it, but it is the most horrible of potential possibilities and therefore must be considered all the same.]
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Just "wonder"?
[ with a note of curiosity; he doesn't necessarily hope for a certain answer, either way. ]
Or is that something that you would undertake to make a reality, Myr?
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We have compelling evidence that whoever we are here, whatever memories we've got, [whatever growth they've undergone, whatever changes they've made,] doesn't return home when a Mirrorbound leaves. But we might be misreading that evidence; there might be other explanations for it that hang together as well as... As well as crossing back through our mirrors being a kind of annihilation.
[Saying it, oddly, makes it less certain and also less fearful. (He wonders if he really is going mad, the longer he's here.)]
I don't know. But I think I need to know what it is that happens to us--I think we all need to know.
We're fumbling around as much as the Coven is when it comes to our fates and that isn't right.
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[ a very caustic smile curls around viren's fangs. ]
Need to know? That is a strong way to put it.
[ but it's not necessarily a tone that demeans this idea. he's almost endeared by the strength of the statement. ]
Perhaps, somehow, [ he begins to propose, likewise measured, ] we come to know. Is countering "annihilation" -- the right thing to do, for you?
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[Myr's tone is cool, though from the flicking of his ears neither his mood nor his manner are. This matters to him, deeply, in that way so many things get inside the soft heart of his and matter.
He doesn't have to think about Viren's question, but he does--or at least, he does pause decorously before answering, as if he were considering it.]
Yes. I believe, [dangerous word, with Myr,] I've been sent here for a reason. I mean to see it fulfilled. Knowing some--caprice of magic could erase me utterly before I've done all I'm here to do would be tantamount to suicide.
[His expression wavers a moment, the veneer of rational consideration wavering.] I'd not try to force anyone else's choice on the matter, but I also--would feel I'd failed you, and Everett, and Linden--if I couldn't spare you that fate as well.
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[ there's a short huff from viren; though it is something akin to it, it'd be generous to call it a laugh. and people accuse him of sounding extreme, he thinks, bitterly-- ]
But I don't think that's necessarily wrong. Some people could consider -- erasing memories, completely returning as we once were -- to be the death of those of us here, regardless.
What would be your purpose, here? Simply to give us the option of sparing us that fate?
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[His tone's a little edged, like the question annoys him, but one corner of his mouth has pulled up a little anyway in something like a smile. At Viren, at his own conceits, it's hard even for him to tell given the state he's been in lately.
Is it really that wrong to want to bundle everyone precious to him away from where the world could hurt them?]
I don't know. It may be that. It may be something I've already done, [bolstering Everett's confidence when it wavered, teaching L step-by-aching-step how to join the wider world, playing his tiny part in the lives of Dorchacht's refugees,] or something I've yet to do. Certainly the dreams seem to indicate we're here to put Talam back as it was, before the Cwyld, but--
[The words that bubble up to his lips are too despairing, too self-defeating to share: How can I help with that, crippled as I am?
They aren't true, either, which more than anything is what has him biting them back and fishing for others to put in their place.
He doesn't find them in any acceptable kind of time and so rolls a shoulder and breathes out heavily.] Maybe it is to ask the questions that lead to us having more choice in our exile. Sparing us annihilation if we don't wish it.
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[ myr may not be able to see, but viren's removed his hands from the counter, tucking them neatly at the small of his back. he feels better about the conversation now, rightfully or not, like it's more within his control-- ]
[ behind him, his tail gives a languid flick. ]
And, [ he begins with a pause and a tilt of his head, ] whatever it is you come to think to be your purpose, I wish you all the best in your pursuit of it.
[ a very harmless platitude, carefully worded as it is and thus sincere. ]
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[That was carefully worded. While it gets a smile out of Myr to feel the tension in their conversation drain away, the absence of that tension leaves him feeling like something--many things--haven't been answered. Like something's been left unexplored, deliberately avoided.
He pushes back from the counter himself, feeling his way around to find the clean saucers that go with the teacups.]
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[ repeated, thoughtfully. ... he's dragged out on a lot of shenanigans.
viren's gaze flicks downward, almost distractedly, as myr begins to touch along for the saucers. he reaches to give them a slight nudge in the elf's direction. but judging by the silence that follows, it might be discernible that viren's taking that inquiry -- as he is prone to do -- a bit too seriously. ]
If it's something I can agree with, [ he resumes his straight-backed posture. ] then no need. If you're truly intent on something, then I'd prefer to be there with you, every moment of the way.
[ spoken like this should be evident -- it's, you know, those pesky means that may cause some disagreement. ]
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Myr's ears flick at the slight sound the saucers make as they're nudged, reaching after them with a little murmur of thanks. Viren's silence isn't unexpected; it's--truth be told--endearing, given how seriously Myr himself takes much in his life.
He finds his space for the saucers with careful hands, centering the stack before parceling it out with patient attention. It's a mindless task, one easy to interrupt when Viren speaks up again, saying something the Faun...had not quite realized he'd hoped to hear so much.]
With the usual caveats on my methods? [he replies, with a wide smile. And then, more suited to that expression:] Will you be my Bondmate, then?
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[ it's something he's debated endlessly, it feels like: the merits (usefulness, inferiority) of monster-monster bonds. despite this, with an apprehensive twinge of his stomach, he knows his answer. so myr receives a studious look, as if viren is trying to aptly gauge the seriousness of the proposal. after a moment, ]
I... Yes. [ but because that initial response sounds uncertain, he amends: ] That would be fine with me, Myr.
[ yes. just fine with him. ]
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Not the most romantic response--but then it isn't for romance that they're friends. What bound them together was a different set of intangibles, and for that Myr is dearly grateful.
Even if he is a whole moment wistful for something a little more dramatic as acknowledgements go. But an outright acceptance of something permanent--that's a treasure all by itself, no gilding needed.]
Good; I'd mislike having to drag you to the Coven under duress, [he teases, ears lifted high.] Suppose we ought to tell Everett we're getting properly tangled up, too.
[Then, more quietly, and with just a touch of shyness:] When would you like to do it?
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Whether we tell him or not, if we feel we must, I will leave that to you. [ --that, and he thinks everett, mayhaps, could have predicted this. ] No doubt he will find out eventually, regardless.
[ viren returns to draw closer to myr this time, circling about the edge of the counter to face him properly. though he pauses there -- he could reach out to touch, though he resists any inclination for the moment ]
In three days. [ he taps a claw against the back of a hand. ] Around this time after closing. Would that work for you?
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I might tell him. We might also invite him to come, but then we'd not hear the end of it. [Because he had, indeed, predicted it... Though Myr had helped him along, certainly, to that conclusion in one memorable moment.]
It would work very well for me. I'll have the evening free. [Both to be Bonded, and for whatever they might wish to do after, is the implication.]
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[ that-- sort of does draw him back from the immediate present. he will be bonded to two fauns. two fauns. ... he very nearly lets escape an 'uh' right then and there, if somewhat impressed with how neatly this would segue into myr's next statement, any implications--. ]
[ ... or how he perceives any implications, what with his line of thinking. that would be his own fault. he clears his throat. ]
And I'd keep my own free. [ his mouth twitches into a fleeting smile, soon vanished. ] —Would you like to exchange gifts as well?
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But, well. Fauns. Good luck being Bonded to the pair of them, Viren.
(Though there's no telling that they'd even end their evening with a tumble into bed, given every other way they've taken time and caution in building their friend. The idea of stretching things out further still has its own appeal...)
Seeming of its own accord, his tail wags with utter contentment.]
When you're already giving me the best gift I could ask of you? [Yes, you, yourself, Viren.
Scratch what anyone said about this not being a romance, does Myr operate in anything other than that mode.] I'd not be near so bold to ask for more than that--though the gifts are a tradition I'd as soon maintain.So--yes, let's.
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[ myr's a very warm person; he recognizes this, has often been on the receiving end of such warmth. yet hearing that spoken so openly reverberates to his core, has his eyes widening and heat pleasantly blossoming within his chest. how different circumstances are, here, when miserably contrasted with his bitter, broken relationships of home. ]
[ he doesn't think of that comparison. nor does he have some snappy response, beyond a contemplative and smoky exhale. his tail twitches, also - not quite a wag, but still a little quiver of gladness. ]
Tradition also demands you dress your best. [ from what he's seen through multiple bonds by this point. he's sure myr knows of this already. he turns away just slightly, looking to occupy himself again with some task. ] Three days time. We will meet each other then.
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I'll be there with bells on. [Literally, given his penchant for jingling antler ornaments.
He's finished with the saucers. Time to match his sudden surge of energy against--cleaning the whole back room, or replacing all the flower arrangements a day early. Something to eat up the time--] In three days.